With all these “new year, new me” post floating around I figured it was time for me to share something I learned the hard way. You might be wondering what that is and its simple, its how I got my shit together!
Now don’t get it twisted, I don’t always have my shit together but whenever I feel like I’m losing my mind, lost, or overwhelmed, I will first throw my fit and then I’ll do what I should have done in the beginning. That is remembering the brutal truths about life.
Yes, I know that we all have that one person in our lives that wanted something, they achieved it and now they’re an expert at everything.
But come on!!!
Why don’t they tell us the struggle to get there?
Was it that easy?
Was there a magic pill you took?
At my age I know I don’t have the secret to life but I'm pretty sure it’s harder than how they paint their picture.
So today, the first day of the year, I figured I’d go over the brutal truths of life that helped me during other years and I plan to use in 2018.
In 2017 I made my list of goals, as the year went on I had a few more goals but I never wrote them down. And you guessed it, the goals I forgot to write down I never achieved.
There’s something about writing goals and placing them where you will see them day in and day out that helps me stay accountable to those goals.
My advice is to write S.M.A.R.T goals
S- Specific. Be specific about what you want.
M-Measurable. Make sure you're tracking your progress to complete that goal.
A- Attainable- Make the goals challenging but not extreme.
R-Realistic- Don’t stress yourself with a goal you know is impossible. That's why I gave up on being a princess. SIGH
Timely- Give yourself an expiration date the goal must be completed by.
Live your life with a purpose, give yourself something to work towards. Not only will you feel accomplished when you complete your goals but you will see whats really important and what isn’t.
2.What people think of me, is none of my business.
This one is probably one that I struggle with the most. So many times I've been in situations where people see me and automatically don’t like me. It's a hard thing to take in because I always say “get to know me, if then you don’t like me then Ill understand, but if you don’t know me, how do you not like me?”
That's when I return to this brutal truth. The minute someone starts to say negative things about me, towards me or makes me feel devalued, it is up to me to know my self-worth and the value of my own life.
Trying to please everyone is a never-ending cycle, they will NEVER be satisfied!!! Don’t even bother!
3.We are never in control.
Organizing is my safe zone. I love trying to control as much as I can as possible, but just like how my hair grows each day without my control, that's how life is, and we have no control over what changes. It's not easy but we have to learn to let go. There is a quote I turn to every time I feel life is moving in a direction I can control. It goes like this “No amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worry can change the future”.
Find something that will help you stay strong during the rollercoaster we call life. And remember worrying is useless so keep your head up.
4. The best things in life aren’t things.
This one is one of my favorites.I was raised with very little but a lot of love and yes, when I see my kids I want to shower them with everything they could dream of but I’ve learned that things don’t make them happy, but time with them does.
When Stevie (my oldest) was little we would spend thousands of dollars on his birthday parties, to the point that for his 6th birthday we spend about 4,000 dollars. And what did he get out of it? NOTHING!
After that party, my husband and I decided no more parties and instead we started doing birthday trips to Disney or where ever they choose to go.We get them the birthday pins and make sure to sing during the entire time. We now have pictures, videos, and memories of trips and fun times, and we don’t spend thousands of dollars lol!!
If there is something I want them to learn from this crazy life is that material things don’t last, there will always be a new and improved version. Think about the new iPhone 8, two months ago it was the new iPhone now we have the iPhone X so the iPhone 8 is the old iPhone. Memories laughs, bonds, time, smiles, adventures, love, those things will never get old. Live life with the purpose of creating a feel-good moment. Everything else can be replaced.
5. Death is part of life.
Growing up I thought everyone was invincible. My family is very large and I am very blessed to have not grown up with any deaths or illnesses surrounding me. But like I said we are never in control. 2 years ago we finally experienced our first death, my Tata’s (grandfather). I remember thinking, he’s going to be fine and in Thanksgiving, we will all be together but then he passed away. Remembering the day of his view, I sat around and looked at everyone thinking “Lord please don’t take anyone else”. I saw my Nana (Grandma) breaking down talking to him in his casket and it was like an outer body experience, one that I never wish to feel again. That thought me to love those with all my heart, tell them what they mean to me, say Thank you, be compassionate, and don’t sweat the small things.
My Nana used to say “everything has a solution except death" if you're alive then you can fix it”. I cant tell you how many times I've felt like I was drowning and remember those words. I tell my family I love them every day and I will continue until I die.
I hope these tips and stories help you out this new year. Remember happiness comes from inner peace, be happy with what you have and who you are.